It has been a busy winter! Between shoveling snow [an average of three out of every four days so far], tending to the firewood and wood stove, republishing my first book and completing my daily recovery program activities, my days have been full! Unfortunately, this has left me little time for blogging. And I love blogging and sharing my recovery experience!
I have been wrestling with the issue of deserving for my entire life. There have been so many occasions when a joyful experience was followed very closely by a painful one! When I was 12 years old, my most exciting athletic accomplishment was followed shortly thereafter by my most painful one. When I was 16 years old, I had the best year of my life in hockey. The following year was my worst. When I was 20, I enjoyed the best baseball game of my life. I got kicked out of the next game in the first inning!
I’m riding a bucking bronco! Bobbing on a stormy sea! Being tossed about on the Salt & Pepper Shaker ride at the fair! For the last three months I have been on a heck of a ride on my journey to recovery! Triggered by medical marijuana, I have been processing and purging fear and other long buried emotional stuff that has left me feeling panicky, anxious, frustrated and experiencing very intense symptoms! It has been a challenge!
A few weeks ago I started waking up in the middle of the night feeling a bit panicky. It was due to some tightness in my throat [causing me to want to swallow repeatedly] and my tongue sticking to the top of my mouth. It was making think I might suffocate. I knew it was nothing serious [I wasn’t going to suffocate], but still, it was really starting to play on my mind… freak me out! I think it was triggered by the medical marijuana I was taking, because I was also feeling a lot of emotional upheaval during the day. I was getting to the point where I was scared to go to bed. I was doing everything I could to make the feeling go away, but it wasn’t working!
I’m very pleased to announce that the first book I wrote, The History Teacher, has been revamped and is available as a second edition. The story is still the same, but the writing has been tightened up considerably, to make it a smoother read. Currently, it is available in PDF format for downloading to your e-reader.
As I sit here watching snow falling on this tranquil Sunday afternoon [we’ve received over seven feet so far this winter] I am reminded of the trepidation I was feeling last fall about spending my first winter on Manitoulin Island. The source of my uneasiness… among other things, tending to a 150 yard long driveway, mostly by myself [Mari is away two weeks every month] on an island known for lots of snow! Turns out my concerns were mostly unfounded.
I have been focusing lately on the elements of recovery: spiritual awakening, personality change, homeostasis, stress minimization, etc. Another critical element is love, or more appropriately described, divine self love!
Divine self love is not derived from being loved by others. Rather, it comes from understanding our true divine spiritual essence… which is, love!
I would like to introduce you to a fellow blogger, Laurie, whose recovery from anorexia began with the discovery of her divine self! She describes it beautifully through a poem!
In my last post, I talked about four common factors amongst people who have recovered from a variety of health conditions, according to Dr. Joe Dispenza.
Dispenza goes on to say that the single most important factor in the recovery of one’s health is to reinvent your personality. He claims that specific personality traits led to the development of disease and that good health cannot be restored as long as the same personality traits exist.
As a follow-up to a recent post on the importance of focusing on the activities needed to return my body to homeostasis I would also like to bring attention to the importance of accepting my condition. Every moment I spend thinking about wanting to be better, I’m taking my mind out of the present moment and placing it in the future, and thus, putting myself in a state of wanting… a state of stress.