“I know how we can do it!” he exclaimed, jumping excitedly out of his seat, butter soaked popcorn flying in all directions.
“Shhhhh,” shouted a chorus of suddenly angry movie goers.
“Sorry,” he replied sheepishly, sliding quietly back down into his seat.
After a few moments and some less than subtle glares, an air of calm returned to theatre and everyone fixed their attention to the movie, which by the way, was a good one, more than living up to its hype.
“I know how we can do it,” he whispered, repeating his earlier proclamation.
“How we can do what?” I inquired quietly, dumbfounded at my friend’s outburst.
“I know how we can win the war on terrorism!”
“You do?” I asked, with a high dose of scepticism. After all, it had been almost 20 years since the first World Trade Centre bombing and eleven years since 9/11 and even though they had killed bin Laden, the U.S. had not yet won the war, nor had they figured out how to subdue the Taliban. I wondered what my friend knew that the White House, Pentagon and other western governments and their intelligence branches didn’t.
“It’s easy,” he stated confidently, thankfully still whispering. “Wanna know how?”
“Of course,” I replied. Curiosity wasn’t about to kill this cat.
“They need to do three things and I’ll list them in no particular order.”
“Fair enough,” I agreed. “But first, let’s watch this scene. I heard it is amazing.”
“Okay,” he concurred as we fixed our attention on the jumbo screen at the front of the theatre.
At the completion of the scene, and after we had caught our breaths … it was in fact, an extremely captivating scene … my friend continued. “First, we need to send the terrorists a bunch of McDonald’s gift cards.”
“I thought you were being serious,” I remarked.
“I am,” he replied indignantly.
“Doesn’t sound like it to me.”
“Think about it,” he said. “Fast food, junk food and processed foods are slowly killing people, so why not use it on the terrorists?”
“You’re thinking of Super Size Me, aren’t you?”
“I sure am. Great documentary.”
I had to admit, he got me to thinking, but then I had a but. “But that’s gonna take too long,” I countered. “We need a solution now.”
“In the short-term,” he continued. “They’ll become so lazy and lethargic from eating that stuff, they won’t have any energy or ambition to commit acts of terror.”
I thought about the sky-rocketing rate of obesity, heart disease, cancer and the like, concurrent with the proliferation of fast food joints and realized he had a legitimate point. “Go on,” I encouraged, wondering what was coming next.
“We’ll also send them some corn seed.”
“Corn seed?” I asked with raised eyebrows.
“Ya, it’s all genetically modified and the cobs of corn they produce are full of toxic pesticides.”
Again, I had to admit that he had a point. There is as tremendous amount of evidence piling up pointing to the devastating impact genetically altered foods are having on our health. A lot of people are pointing fingers at biotech companies like Monsanto and their cronies in government who appear to be far more concerned about profits than the state of humankind. “What’s the third thing?” I asked.
“Give them health cards so that they have free access to prescription drugs, particularly pain killers like Oxycotin.”
“Actually, that might be the best idea yet,” I admitted. I recalled reading an article that suggested that prescription drugs are now the number one cause of accidental death in North America … although, I question how accidental it is … and that oxycotin kills more people than heroin and cocaine combined.
“Yep,” he agreed. “If nothing else,” they’ll be so busy tracking down their next hit, they’ll be too busy to commit any terrorist acts.”
I had to admit that as hair-brained as this all sounded it made me wonder who was more of a threat to Western welfare … terrorists or fast food joints, biotech companies and drug companies? Seemed pretty obvious actually, which made me wonder what our governments are really up to. “What about the war mongers in government and the military?” I queried. “Not to mention the Pakistanis who, nudge nudge, wink wink, aren’t aiding and abetting the Taliban?”
He sat quietly for a few moments contemplating my question. Clearly, he hadn’t considered this as part of his game plan. “Well, I guess we’ll have offer them the same package,” he smiled, giving me a devilish wink of the eye.
“And if your plan doesn’t work?”
“Well, maybe we could just try some good old fashioned dialogue and compassion. It’s hard to understand the behaviour of a schoolyard bully without talking to him, isn’t it?”
“Perhaps my friend isn’t as crazy as I thought he was,” I mused, looking up at he movie screen suddenly realizing the credits had begun to role.
Have a reflectively awesome day!