I’m riding a bucking bronco! Bobbing on a stormy sea! Being tossed about on the Salt & Pepper Shaker ride at the fair! For the last three months I have been on a heck of a ride on my journey to recovery! Triggered by medical marijuana, I have been processing and purging fear and other long buried emotional stuff that has left me feeling panicky, anxious, frustrated and experiencing very intense symptoms! It has been a challenge!
A few weeks ago I started waking up in the middle of the night feeling a bit panicky. It was due to some tightness in my throat [causing me to want to swallow repeatedly] and my tongue sticking to the top of my mouth. It was making think I might suffocate. I knew it was nothing serious [I wasn’t going to suffocate], but still, it was really starting to play on my mind… freak me out! I think it was triggered by the medical marijuana I was taking, because I was also feeling a lot of emotional upheaval during the day. I was getting to the point where I was scared to go to bed. I was doing everything I could to make the feeling go away, but it wasn’t working!
I have long held that view that I’m not suffering from parkinson’s disease. Rather, I am experiencing a health condition characterized by certain symptoms. What is more, I don’t believe that I have to cure the condition. Instead, in order to recover my health I need to return my body to homeostasis.
For many people experiencing the neurological condition known as Parkinson’s disease, anxiety is one of the more common and challenging symptoms.
Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. It is an expression of fear, created by a thought. Given the challenges of the symptoms and given what the future holds for those who consider their condition to be incurable, it is no doubt that anxiety is so common.
Lately I’ve been focusing on topics and techniques meant to make our journey less stressful. Things such as laughter, karate techniques and spiritual practice. They have been very beneficial for me in managing my symptoms and keeping me in a positive frame of mind. In this post, I would like to touch on another stress buster … music … and more specifically, singing!
In my quest to understand and dissolve the fear that led to the neurological condition I am experiencing, I continue to receive new ideas and perspectives that will eventually lead to a breakthrough and recovery.
It seems that I have come into this life to immerse myself in fear. To know it intimately. And I suspect, at some point, to overcome it in order to enact my innate self-love and recover my health. My childhood years were characterized by a culture of fear. As I wrote in an earlier blog, I was scared all the time. What scared me most, was that people would find out just how scared I was, because I put on a brave front.
Although this is all behind me now and I understand the purpose of my experience, I would love to have had the conversation below with my father while I was growing up. This dialogue is meant to be a script to help me retrain my mind and remap my brain in order to let go of fear. I hope you find it helpful and I urge you to keep reading it everyday, as I will be. I expect that I will be updating it as I receive new ideas. I wish you fearlessness and good health!
Today I went to see a chiropractor for the first time in 30 years. I made the appointment because my jaw is out of joint [commonly referred to as temporomandibular joint or TMJ] and my spine is curved [commonly referred to as scoliosis].