Let me begin by saying, even though I’m writing a post about anxiety, I thankfully, do not experience a lot of it. The situations that cause me to experience anxiety include speaking in front of a crowd, packing for a trip or being late for something. These situations are infrequent.
On our recent trip to Toronto, Mari and I got around to talking about dark energies. She told me she doesn’t believe in them. She believes that dark energies are just energetic beings vibrating at a lower frequency. I realized when she said this, that she was right, and not just how we think about spiritual beings, but also how we approach our health, particularly when we are dealing with a chronic health condition.
I am presently in the midst of an intense healing period. I’m grateful to say that a few blog readers are doing the same protocol and we are sharing our experience. I’m so happy not to be doing this alone. The healing we’re doing is based on a protocol developed by Janice Walton-Hadlock of pdrecovery.org. Walton-Hadlock believes that Parkinson’s disease is not the result of being in a chronic fight-or-flight state of fear, but rather, it is from being in a chronic “pause” state of fear or from being in a chronic “disassociative” state of fear.
A few weeks ago I started waking up in the middle of the night feeling a bit panicky. It was due to some tightness in my throat [causing me to want to swallow repeatedly] and my tongue sticking to the top of my mouth. It was making think I might suffocate. I knew it was nothing serious [I wasn’t going to suffocate], but still, it was really starting to play on my mind… freak me out! I think it was triggered by the medical marijuana I was taking, because I was also feeling a lot of emotional upheaval during the day. I was getting to the point where I was scared to go to bed. I was doing everything I could to make the feeling go away, but it wasn’t working!
As a follow-up to a recent post on the importance of focusing on the activities needed to return my body to homeostasis I would also like to bring attention to the importance of accepting my condition. Every moment I spend thinking about wanting to be better, I’m taking my mind out of the present moment and placing it in the future, and thus, putting myself in a state of wanting… a state of stress.
A positive frame of mind is critically important for managing the symptoms of, and recovering from, a neurological condition. I do three things every day that help me stay upbeat!
“Damn it!” I snapped.
“What’s the matter?” my concerned friend asked.
“I lost my balance and almost fell again!”
“Are you okay?”
My journey with this neurological condition brought me an insight this week which might just have taken me to the pinnacle of my odyssey … an understanding and actualization of self love!
In order for this to make sense, let me give you some background.
It seems that I have come into this life to immerse myself in fear. To know it intimately. And I suspect, at some point, to overcome it in order to enact my innate self-love and recover my health. My childhood years were characterized by a culture of fear. As I wrote in an earlier blog, I was scared all the time. What scared me most, was that people would find out just how scared I was, because I put on a brave front.
Although this is all behind me now and I understand the purpose of my experience, I would love to have had the conversation below with my father while I was growing up. This dialogue is meant to be a script to help me retrain my mind and remap my brain in order to let go of fear. I hope you find it helpful and I urge you to keep reading it everyday, as I will be. I expect that I will be updating it as I receive new ideas. I wish you fearlessness and good health!