I have been wrestling with the issue of deserving for my entire life. There have been so many occasions when a joyful experience was followed very closely by a painful one! When I was 12 years old, my most exciting athletic accomplishment was followed shortly thereafter by my most painful one. When I was 16 years old, I had the best year of my life in hockey. The following year was my worst. When I was 20, I enjoyed the best baseball game of my life. I got kicked out of the next game in the first inning!
Let me begin by saying, even though I’m writing a post about anxiety, I thankfully, do not experience a lot of it. The situations that cause me to experience anxiety include speaking in front of a crowd, packing for a trip or being late for something. These situations are infrequent.
Highways jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive
– Bruce Springsteen, Born to Run
I’m presently reading Bruce Springsteen’s autobiography, Born to Run. It is an interesting read, filled with fascinating stories and lots of adjectives… many knee slapping, foot stomping, head scratching, eye popping, mind blowing, gut wrenching descriptions of Bruce’s personal and professional life. He tells it all and bares his soul… the good, the bad and the ugly… including his lifelong challenge with depression and his difficult relationship with his father [who interestingly enough, experienced parkinson’s.]
A few weeks ago I started waking up in the middle of the night feeling a bit panicky. It was due to some tightness in my throat [causing me to want to swallow repeatedly] and my tongue sticking to the top of my mouth. It was making think I might suffocate. I knew it was nothing serious [I wasn’t going to suffocate], but still, it was really starting to play on my mind… freak me out! I think it was triggered by the medical marijuana I was taking, because I was also feeling a lot of emotional upheaval during the day. I was getting to the point where I was scared to go to bed. I was doing everything I could to make the feeling go away, but it wasn’t working!
You can recover from PD!
I am baffled by the number of people who believe parkinson’s is incurable! The medical community, PD societies and MJF Foundation are doing everyone a grave injustice by espousing this notion. [And does anyone find it peculiar that these folks are trying to find a cure [with a pill] for something they claim is incurable.]
Baseball is 90% mental and the other half is physical! These are the immortal words of legendary New York Yankees catcher, Yogi Berra! While Yogi’s math was a little off, his sentiment was right on! And the same holds true for those of us recovering from a chronic health condition. Our mental attitude is paramount! More to the point, what we believe is the key our recovery!
I was walking the labyrinth this morning when my mind was drawn to the significant challenges I have been facing lately purging fear. And I asked myself, what is the greatest gift I can give myself in the midst of this crisis? The first word that popped into my head was patience. Makes sense! I could definitely use some patience because I find myself becoming increasingly frustrated dealing with the intense symptoms I’ve been experiencing.