It was a year ago that I found myself hospitalized, scared, deep in a prolonged state of panic and unable to move my legs. Seven days after being admitted, I walked out of the hospital, went home and shoveled snow! What led to this dramatic change, was quite simply, medication! There was also a change in outlook, but it came later!
After several consultations with a doctor at the hospital, I agreed to give levodopa and sertraline a try [this after seventeen years of being medication free]! It worked!
Whenever I find myself dwelling on the symptoms I am experiencing and wanting them to go away … which happens more often than I care to admit … I remind myself to take a different approach. I remind myself … compassionately … to place my mind in the state I want to be in … joyful, excited, enthusiastic, contented!
In 1983, I joined a market research company. A few months into the job, I did a presentation to a client accompanied by my account senior and group manager. It wasn’t my first presentation. Every time I looked up during the presentation, my manager was feverishly writing notes, which I took to mean he didn’t like what he was seeing and I started to become unglued. It got so bad that at one point, the Eastern regional sales manager asked me to explain the numbers on a chart, and my response was, “I don’t know, that’s just the way they came out of the computer.” The moment I uttered the words, I knew I had blown it and the presentation went downhill from there. By the end of it, I was a total mess! Afterwards, neither my account senior or manager said anything, but on the way out of the building I declared to myself that I would never let that happen again. And for the next 23 years, I didn’t!
I recently made a similar declaration as it relates to my experience with the symptoms of Parkinson’s.
Some days I am challenged to accept the symptoms I experience and today is one of those days! I am presently in the middle of a Bowen purging and consequently I am experiencing extremely intense symptoms, especially as it relates to loss of balance, freezing and shuffle walking. Bowen purging seems to bring up a lot of anger which underneath feels like helplessness and shame. Today I’m feeling a lot of anger.
In his book, A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle discusses the importance of enlightened doing, which means, living in spiritual consciousness rather than ego. It could also be stated as, being aware of our thoughts and material motivations, rather than lost in them. He also says, when we are more focused on the goal, rather than what we are doing in the present moment, we create stress for ourselves, and stress is what we need to eliminate in order to recover our health.
Last week, I went on a fly-in fishing trip in northern Ontario, Canada. Aside from the swarms of mosquitoes and flies and the considerable back [and butt] discomfort from sitting in a boat for several hours a day, it was an awesome trip! Good for what ails you, as the saying goes!
As a follow-up to a recent post on the importance of focusing on the activities needed to return my body to homeostasis I would also like to bring attention to the importance of accepting my condition. Every moment I spend thinking about wanting to be better, I’m taking my mind out of the present moment and placing it in the future, and thus, putting myself in a state of wanting… a state of stress.