In 1983, I joined a market research company. A few months into the job, I did a presentation to a client accompanied by my account senior and group manager. It wasn’t my first presentation. Every time I looked up during the presentation, my manager was feverishly writing notes, which I took to mean he didn’t like what he was seeing and I started to become unglued. It got so bad that at one point, the Eastern regional sales manager asked me to explain the numbers on a chart, and my response was, “I don’t know, that’s just the way they came out of the computer.” The moment I uttered the words, I knew I had blown it and the presentation went downhill from there. By the end of it, I was a total mess! Afterwards, neither my account senior or manager said anything, but on the way out of the building I declared to myself that I would never let that happen again. And for the next 23 years, I didn’t!
I recently made a similar declaration as it relates to my experience with the symptoms of Parkinson’s.
Some days I am challenged to accept the symptoms I experience and today is one of those days! I am presently in the middle of a Bowen purging and consequently I am experiencing extremely intense symptoms, especially as it relates to loss of balance, freezing and shuffle walking. Bowen purging seems to bring up a lot of anger which underneath feels like helplessness and shame. Today I’m feeling a lot of anger.
In his book, A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle discusses the importance of enlightened doing, which means, living in spiritual consciousness rather than ego. It could also be stated as, being aware of our thoughts and material motivations, rather than lost in them. He also says, when we are more focused on the goal, rather than what we are doing in the present moment, we create stress for ourselves, and stress is what we need to eliminate in order to recover our health.
Last week, I went on a fly-in fishing trip in northern Ontario, Canada. Aside from the swarms of mosquitoes and flies and the considerable back [and butt] discomfort from sitting in a boat for several hours a day, it was an awesome trip! Good for what ails you, as the saying goes!
As a follow-up to a recent post on the importance of focusing on the activities needed to return my body to homeostasis I would also like to bring attention to the importance of accepting my condition. Every moment I spend thinking about wanting to be better, I’m taking my mind out of the present moment and placing it in the future, and thus, putting myself in a state of wanting… a state of stress.
You’ve probably heard the story of Thomas Edison’s quest to create the light bulb. I’m paraphrasing here, but supposedly Edison tried many, many times unsuccessfully to create the light bulb before he finally did it. When asked if he ever felt like a failure, Edison responded by saying, “No, I just discovered 1000 different ways not to make a light bulb.”
In my quest to understand and dissolve the fear that led to the neurological condition I am experiencing, I continue to receive new ideas and perspectives that will eventually lead to a breakthrough and recovery.