You’ve probably heard the story of Thomas Edison’s quest to create the light bulb. I’m paraphrasing here, but supposedly Edison tried many, many times unsuccessfully to create the light bulb before he finally did it. When asked if he ever felt like a failure, Edison responded by saying, “No, I just discovered 1000 different ways not to make a light bulb.”
This morning I realized I have been feeling a lot of apprehension about living here on Manitoulin Island this winter. It’s the same sort of angst I was feeling about moving here in the first place and it seems to have crept up on me unwittingly. Then I was concerned about moving 6 hours away from my family, living in isolation on a lake 15 minutes from town, by myself for two weeks of the month. So far, it has been great!
Deepak Chopra says anger is an inflammatory emotion. Parkinson’s is considered to be an inflammatory condition. Until I understood the role of fear in the development of the neurological condition [parkinson’s] I’m experiencing, I thought anger was the root cause. I still believe that anger plays a role, so it is important to understand it in order to dissolve it so that recovery is possible.
The last four months leading up to the end of April was a very emotional time, filled with uncertainty, trepidation and stress. During this period, I was preparing for the sale of my karate club, preparing for my retirement and preparing to move to a new town. At the same time, my father was in the hospital in a rapidly deteriorating state of health due to sudden onset dementia. The result of all this was a dramatic increase in the intensity of the symptoms I’ve been experiencing.
Recently, I realized that I’m beginning to dread certain tasks [more than just getting dressed for my morning walk which I wrote about in my last post]. Ironing, shaving, washing dishes, shampooing my hair, shopping and preparing dinner, all leave me feeling a certain level of trepidation. Even making my beloved sauerkraut and buckwheat pancake batter. The reason of course is that these tasks are not performed as easily as they once were. Loss of balance, slowness of movement and loss of dexterity in my left hand, have turned tasks that were once performed without thought into quite stressful endeavours.
“Good morning Fred. How’re you doing?”
“Not so good!”
“I’m sorry to hear that! What’s going on?”
“I’m feeling really intense fear and it’s causing me to have extremely intense symptoms.”
As a follow-up on my most recent post about calming the mind as well as something I wrote in June about four things that really mess me up, there are three specific situations that seem to exacerbate the symptoms I experience.
The biggest single challenge I’ve faced on my journey to recover my health is overcoming the hidden [unconscious] detrimental beliefs, which when triggered, put me in a state of fear that leaves me experiencing extremely intense symptoms. It has been happening almost on a daily basis.
As I set out on my walk to the labyrinth the other morning, one question was foremost on my mind. Why is it that despite everything I’ve learned about fear, its purpose, its role in the development of neurological disorders and how to overcome it, I’m still beset by feelings of fear that leave me experiencing intense symptoms, every day?