I am reading, Focusing, written by Eugene Gendlin. It’s about understanding a health condition by understanding how the body is feeling. When I asked my body how it is feeling, I got an immediate response … weary!
Weary! I can believe it! Tired says, I need some rest and a good nights sleep. Weary says, I need to change my life! And for me, this makes a great deal of sense. I couldn’t tell you last time I woke up feeling good. I wake up sleepy and tired and feel that way all day. For my entire life, I have been living at a frenetic pace! Going to school, working, playing hockey, running, doing yard work, partying and raising children. Rarely a moment’s rest!
Even now, living here on Manitoulin Island, my own private ashram, I am always doing something. Between shoveling snow, tending to the woodstove, stacking firewood, doing yard work, looking after the house, writing, blogging and completing my daily regimen, I find myself in the never-ending cycle of completing one activity to get to the next.
This need to stay busy, to be a workaholic, is shared by Michael J Fox and Knowlton Nash, former Canadian television anchorman, both with PD. It makes me wonder how many people diagnosed with Parkinson’s could be described as workaholics, or obsessive-aholics?
I suspect this workaholism is driven by fear and not feeling good about myself; of feeling inadequate and needing to please. These I know I need to work on.
Whatever the cause, it is time to change!
Sitting in silent solitude and placing my attention in the present moment, are two activities in my daily regimen, and for the last two days, I have done a lot more of both. I’m not going to obsess over completing my daily regimen anymore. I’m going to do my best to not do anything that puts my mind and body in a state of stress. Time to end this frenzy!
It is time to rest these weary bones!