I have been wrestling with the issue of deserving for my entire life. There have been so many occasions when a joyful experience was followed very closely by a painful one! When I was 12 years old, my most exciting athletic accomplishment was followed shortly thereafter by my most painful one. When I was 16 years old, I had the best year of my life in hockey. The following year was my worst. When I was 20, I enjoyed the best baseball game of my life. I got kicked out of the next game in the first inning!
Time and time again, this pattern has repeated itself.
Please know that I’m not telling you about my experience from a place of victimhood. There was a time, yes, when I certainly felt like a victim. But that is no longer!
Pleasure and pain! A very common human condition!
And it has been brought to my attention once again!
Last week, I wrote about the challenging time I was having. I had a feeling that I was experiencing darkness before the dawn, and it was, because for three days this week, I felt great! In fact, Tuesday morning I woke up feeling the best I have felt in a long time. But it didn’t last.
This morning I woke up feeling as messed up as I have felt for a long time. I actually woke up in the middle of the night and laid awake for quite a while before going back to sleep. I wake up in a messed up state every time this happens for reasons unknown [and the topic of a future blog].
I sat outside for a while looking for guidance on the experience and what came to me was that this is about deserving, or in this case, the belief that I am not deserving of goodness and happiness in my life [or good health].
I don’t know why I hold this belief, although I am sure that it has to do with what I was told about myself as a child. Regardless of the cause, what is important now is for me to dissolve it.
This is a three-step process.
Step one is about awareness. This is the first step in all healing. I must be diligent in recognizing when this belief is manifesting itself in my daily experience.
Step two involves reminding myself that as a divine spiritual being [having a human experience] I am innately deserving and that any beliefs to the contrary are erroneous, created by a false understanding.
Step three involves using my healing mantra [see below] to address and dissolve the unresolved emotional pain and the synapses and neurons that have been created in my brain by the thoughts that created the belief.
Time will tell if this is the end of this issue, if I’ve gotten to the bottom of it. In the meantime, I’m thankful that I know what to do if it comes up again!
Thank you Spirit and thank you higher self for severing and dissolving the synapses and neural pathways, neutralizing the energetic frequency, healing and releasing from my body and my being all of the fear, anger and detrimental thoughts and beliefs, and all of the shame, grief, guilt, resentment, bitterness and unresolved emotional energy at the root of the belief I hold that I don’t deserve goodness in my life. And I thank you for this healing and I thank you for increasing effectiveness of this healing by 100 times or more. Hallelujah!