A few weeks ago I started waking up in the middle of the night feeling a bit panicky. It was due to some tightness in my throat [causing me to want to swallow repeatedly] and my tongue sticking to the top of my mouth. It was making think I might suffocate. I knew it was nothing serious [I wasn’t going to suffocate], but still, it was really starting to play on my mind… freak me out! I think it was triggered by the medical marijuana I was taking, because I was also feeling a lot of emotional upheaval during the day. I was getting to the point where I was scared to go to bed. I was doing everything I could to make the feeling go away, but it wasn’t working!
I was also having a difficult time maintaining my spiritual presence… being the spiritually conscious observer of my experiences, trusting and living in the present moment. Fear has a way of doing that to you… it can knock you off your game!
Then during a conversation with a friend who has had a lot of experience dealing with fear and panic attacks I realized I needed to take a different approach. Rather than being afraid of the fear [and being afraid of having a panic attack], trying to avoid it, not feel it, make it go away, [what you resist, persists!] I needed to turn around and walk right back into it. My friend agreed, advising me to admit how I was feeling, accept it and talk to it… “I’m feeling very scared right now.”
Then I watched an Eckhart Tolle video in which he offered advice to someone in the same situation. Tolle said to acknowledge the presence of the fear, accept its presence, allow it to be and eventually it would dissolve.
Since taking a more accepting, yet, in-your-face approach I have been sleeping through the night, clear of any moments of panic.
This experience had me feeling like I had taken a step backwards on my healing journey until I was reminded about the spiral healing process. According to spiritual catalyst, Teal Swan, healing is not a linear process. Rather, it is spiral.
Picture an inverted cone. Your healing journey involves circling the cone from the bottom to top. There are lines stretching from the bottom to top as well. Each line represents an issue that needs to be healed. One issue might be fear. Another issue might be victimhood, and so on. As you circle the cone upwards, repeatedly intersecting with each line, you are called upon to go deeper into each issue, until you reach the top.
So it seems this marijuana-induced healing experience has taken me to the next level of my healing journey because last night I had an insight… my DNA is programmed for fear… and this is what I need to address. Just like a deer’s DNA is wired for fear. Just like bears,’ wolves’ and coyotes’ DNA is wired to fear humans [even unarmed humans] due to generations of being hunted.
Our DNA influences our reactions and behaviours and everybody’s DNA is different. It’s why one person is thrilled by roller-coaster rides, while another is scared-shitless. It’s also why one person is fascinated at the sight of a snake, while their friend experiences sheer terror! A person whose DNA is wired for fear is more likely to go into the fight-or-flight state in situations where others wouldn’t, which would also leave that person more prone to developing a neurological condition. Bruce Lipton, author of, The Biology of Belief, explains this in detail in a Youtube video. Lipton says that our DNA is shaped by our beliefs [and our parents’ beliefs] which is shaped by our experience.
But our DNA can also be altered… by changing our beliefs.
And we can change our beliefs… you used to believe in Santa Claus, right!
There are four root detrimental beliefs: we are unlovable; we don’t deserve; we aren’t good enough; we are powerless. There are lots of other detrimental beliefs: I’m a failure! Life is difficult! Money is the root of all evil! Plenty to mess up our DNA!
Lipton’s colleague, Rob Williams, demonstrates how to change the belief using muscle testing and brain remapping.
Teal Swan also has a process for changing damaging beliefs.
In my experience, the simplest way to change unhealthy beliefs is to become spiritually conscious. When you know that you are a spiritual being living in oneness with the universal-energetic-intelligence [God] and that the purpose of both detrimental beliefs and unwanted health conditions is to guide us to spiritual awakening, you know you’re not a victim and had nothing to fear in the first place. You also know that any detrimental belief you’re holding on to, including the ones I listed above, are false; they are an illusion so to speak. If you don’t know I mean by this, please watch the Eckhart Tolle video I provided a link to above. It may still take some time [it certainly has for me] for the DNA to change… there is a process to honor… but I’m confident that it will get me [and you] to the top of the cone.
We just have to believe that were on the right track and that we deserve to recover! And we do because God wants us to!
After finishing this post last night, I went to bed feeling very good; confident! But while laying in bed waiting to drift off to dreamland, I suddenly felt a pang of panic! It was a strange sort of feeling that triggered it [I can’t really explain it], and it was strong enough that I had to get out of bed. While sitting in a chair talking myself through the fear I was feeling, I realized that I had a choice… I could live in fear or I could live in love… and love is much more powerful!
The challenge is, I rationalized, I know how to feel and live in fear, but I don’t know how to feel and live in love, particularly towards myself and life [but I could imagine how the Dalai Lama would]. Even though I hadn’t fully resolved the situation, I felt better; good enough to go back to bed… which I did and fell asleep right away!
Then I woke up in the middle of the night [evidently I had been dreaming about this] realizing that I did know love! It is how I felt when my first daughter was born! Man, I can still remember that feeling when I first held her! It changed my life! It’s also how I felt when my other two children were born! It’s also how I feel when I think about all three of them, now! It’s also how I feel when I think about my mentally handicapped brother [he is the epitome of unconditional love]! And it was how I felt when I was teaching martial arts! So I know the feeling!
The thing is, I’ve never felt this way about myself! And that is my challenge… to take this feeling of love that I do know, that I have experienced, and apply it to how I feel about myself. In fact, apply it to all of my experiences in this flow of life!
For the time being, I’m going to meditate on it every day until I start to feel it; until I feel the same way about myself that I feel about my children and my brother! Yes, I am confident it will change my DNA, my health condition and my life!
I will keep you posted on my progress!
In the meantime, wishing you an awesome Easter!