My journey with this neurological condition brought me an insight this week which might just have taken me to the pinnacle of my odyssey … an understanding and actualization of self love!
In order for this to make sense, let me give you some background.
I realized a couple of years ago when I had a series of panic attacks that fear, anger and parkinson’s were meant to guide me to a far greater accomplishment than the recovery of my health. They were meant to guide me to spiritual consciousness and self love. This is the purpose of the challenges we face … the reason for our perceived suffering. To awaken us to our true nature!
The foundation for this realization occurred several years prior when I became aware of another understanding … that we’re more than just human beings… that we are actually spiritual beings having a human experience, living in oneness with God and all that is. Furthermore, I learned that God is not some being that lives up in heaven, reigning over the earth, judging us, condemning us and persecuting us. God is the universal energy that is everything that exists in the universe, including you and me! What continued to elude me, however, was “becoming” spiritually conscious… to take this beyond the level of concept and make it a way of being… because I thought I had to do something in order to achieve it.
Then a few months ago, I had an insight that finally helped me understand spiritual consciousness [what Eckhart Tolle refers to as conscious presence]. While writing an e-mail to a blog reader who was having a difficult time, it occurred to me that I am not the body I inhabit, nor am I the thoughts I think or the emotions I feel. Rather, I am the conscious observer of my body, thoughts, emotions, feelings and experiences. I am God’s eyes! For me, this was a monumental epiphany! And what really blew my socks off, is that I also realized I didn’t need to do anything to experience spiritual consciousness [being the conscious observer]. I just had to acknowledge what already existed. It almost seemed too simple!
Initially, I felt euphoric with this insight. I thought I had finally achieved the understanding I needed in order to dissolve fear and recover my health. But the fear continued, more intense than ever, telling me I had more work to do.
That work, as it turned out, had to do with self love!
A few years ago I realized [after years of not so blissful ignorance] that I grew up feeling unloved. As Gary Chapman described it in his book, The Five Love Languages, I grew up with an empty love tank. I knew that it was at the root of the neurological condition I had developed [not to mention the anger, fear and self destructive behaviour I had experienced all my life], but I had no idea how to achieve self love.
I also learned from spiritual catalyst, Teal Swan, that fear is meant to guide us to self love. So I figured I needed to somehow transform the fear I was experiencing by first understanding it, and second, doing everything I needed to in order to overcome it [see all my posts on fear, especially the last two]. Still I was getting nowhere. I continued to be mired in fear.
Then last weekend, after writing two insightful posts on fear, I realized I needed to change my focus. Rather than focus on what I don’t want [fear], switch my attention to what I want [self love]. In other words, invoke the law of attraction. This triggered the pivotal insight!
Which was this…
I realized that I don’t need to be loved by others to love myself. Nor do I need to do loving things. I don’t have to stand in front of a mirror repeating loving affirmations. I also don’t need to dissolve fear. In fact, I don’t need to do anything [again]. I just need to acknowledge what already is … as a divine spiritual being, I am love! I don’t need to do anything to love myself because love is the true essence of who I am [of who we all are]. It would be akin to telling a flower to do something to be a flower. It doesn’t have to do anything. It’s a flower!
Again, it seemed too simple [Sometimes, the simplest things are the most profound!]!
So what does all this mean?
The reason there’s so much suffering on the planet is because we are spiritually unconscious and mired in self loathing. Collectively, we don’t feel good about ourselves. This is because we are taught to fear and loathe ourselves by spiritually unconscious people. Furthermore, the reason I developed a neurological condition [commonly referred to as parkinson’s disease] is because I was awash in fear and self loathing.
Our true essence, however, is love! The only reason we know fear and hatred is because we are taught it. We are taught to be unconscious!
The recovery of my health begins with an understanding who I truly am… a divine conscious observer of pure love. This understanding enables me to let go of fear and emotional pain. It enables me to forgive and live with acceptance, trust and faith. It enables me to live in peace, love, joy, abundance and bliss. It enables me to feel good about myself. It enables my body to return to homeostasis!
All I have to do is be my true self, open up my heart and be kind, compassionate, generous, forgiving, grateful and helpful. I can place my attention on the present moment, while letting go of the past and trusting that the future will be just fine.
Whatever happens, I’m okay with it!
Have an awesomely loving day!