The last four months leading up to the end of April was a very emotional time, filled with uncertainty, trepidation and stress. During this period, I was preparing for the sale of my karate club, preparing for my retirement and preparing to move to a new town. At the same time, my father was in the hospital in a rapidly deteriorating state of health due to sudden onset dementia. The result of all this was a dramatic increase in the intensity of the symptoms I’ve been experiencing.
It was an emotional time for a number of reasons. First, I really didn’t want to retire and sell the karate club. I was forced into it because of my health. Second, I really wasn’t so sure about moving. I had lived in Keswick for almost 30 years, it was my home and all three of my children still live there. Third, it was very difficult watching my father’s rapidly declining state of health.
The uncertainty and trepidation I was feeling had to do with finalizing the deal to sell my business because the new owner wasn’t certain about getting the necessary financing. Also, I didn’t know what it would be like moving 6 hours away, to a remote location where I would be by myself quite a lot [Mari works at a mine in Northern Ontario for two weeks every month].
It all came to a head during the last week of April when my father passed on, I said my goodbyes at the karate club, finalized the deal to sell the club, packed up my stuff and moved. It was a hell of a week! By the time I got to Manitoulin, I was exhausted, mentally and emotionally drained and it took a week and a half before I started to feel better.
What was very fascinating about the experience was the effect it had on the symptoms I experience. I was having difficulty getting dressed, tying up my shoes, doing up zippers, taking a shower, working the mouse on the computer, performing any task for that matter. My balance was really bad and my voice was constantly raspy.
All the symptoms increased dramatically in intensity confirming my belief that stress [fear] is at the root of this neurological condition. It also told me that despite the challenge of going through the experience that once everything was said and done and I moved north to my own private ashram that I would eventually begin to recover my health. In other words, this was an exercise in acceptance, trust and faith. Acceptance of the situation. Trust that everything was unfolding the way it was meant to. And faith that I would be okay. I just hoped that I could survive long enough to get to Manitoulin [this was the faith part].
Clearly I did, so all is well. I can now relax and focus on my health. I can sit in silent solitude, meditate, practice qigong, exercise and write to my heart’s content. I have all the time I need.
At the moment, I’m feeling very blessed, knowing that I made the right decision. I’m also feeling very confident with the knowledge I’ve gained, particularly as relates to the role of stress in my condition, that I will indeed recover.
Have an awesomely calm day!