“Andy Kaufman in a wrestling match,” is the second line from REM’s popular hit song, Man on the Moon. It is in reference to the controversial inter-gender wrestling matches the famous comedian staged in the late 70s and early 80s. Although appearing to be a gag [Kaufman even declared himself the inter-gender wrestling champion of the world], some people took it seriously.
Since learning that fear is at the root of my neurological disorder [parkinson’s], a belief that is echoed by Robert Rodgers, author of Road to Recovery from Parkinson’s Disease, I feel like I’ve been in an ongoing wrestling match with this nasty emotional adversary, mostly with my back to the mat, struggling to get out from underneath, trying to avoid being permanently pinned. It’s been a monumental struggle against a relentless foe. [I’m really not exaggerating … but I am taking it seriously!]
In the past year, I’ve had many ups and downs, setbacks coupled with amazing aha moments. Uplifting epiphanies! Mostly coming to me during periods of intense fear. I had two more such insights last week. The first had to do with expectations. We expect things to be a certain way. We have expectations with regards to our looks, health, career, physique, relationships, companionship, and so on, and when our expectations aren’t met, we can be left feeling inadequate. Feeling and fearing that we are a failure.
The second insight had to do with uncertainty. During times of uncertainty, when we don’t know what’s going on or where we’re heading, we are more prone to fear. It is human nature.
Times of uncertainty and unmet expectations can put us in a state of discord. They cause us to feel stress, foe of those with a neurological condition, because stress exacerbates our symptoms. It intensifies trembling, immobility and loss of balance. This is certainly how it has been affecting me.
What then to do about these conditions, so as to dissolve fear, neutralize stress and put me in a mental and physical state of calm.
Let’s start with uncertainty. In my experience, trust is the best way to overcome it. Some people, depending on their nature or upbringing, have an innate ability to trust. What helps me to overcome uncertainty and be more trusting is to have a plan. There are things happening in my life right now, like my impending retirement, about which I am uncertain. I realized, that a plan would help ease my mind. I’ve been so busy running my karate club and doing other day to day stuff, just trying to keep up, that I’ve overlooked the need have a strategy for some critical elements of my life. So over the next while, I will be mapping out some plans.
As for expectations, I realized that what has been causing me stress as it relates to my health is that I want my body to be a certain way. I want it to be healthy! Normal! And I realized, that my body doesn’t necessarily have to be ” normal.” Look at brilliant mathematician Stephen Hawking. He has led an extraordinary life despite being completely incapacitated by ALS. Many other people are doing the same. If I’m meant to become debilitated, if that is my destiny, it will happen. The most important thing I can do now, is to map out a plan and do my best to restore my health.
I believe that the reason I developed parkinson’s is to guide me to living consciously [spiritually], actualizing self-love and dissolving fear. It has a purpose! What happens to my physical body is secondary. If my destiny is to become completely incapacitated in order for me to accomplish my purpose, then I must accept that outcome. In the meantime, I will do what I can to give myself the best chance for a positive result. I will:
- Develop a plan
- Let go of expectations
- Remember that fear is meant to guide us towards love
- Laugh a lot
- Practice self talk [see below]
- Pray [see below]
What I say when I self talk [when I’m feeling intense symptoms from fear]:
In this moment I have nothing to fear. I’m safe. My life is in no danger whatsoever. The fear I’m feeling is being created by a thought. A debilitating belief. And in that sense, the fear is not real. All is well!
What I say when I pray:
Thank you spirit and thank you higher self for dissolving the synapses and neural pathways, neutralizing the energetic frequency, healing and releasing from my body and my being, all of the detrimental thoughts and beliefs that are at the root of the fear I’m feeling. And I thank you for this healing and I thank you for increasing the effectiveness of this healing by 100 times or more.
If you, like me, are wrestling with fear, hopefully you find these suggestions helpful.
Have an awesomely fearless day!