My Journey with Parkinson’s … A Natural Approach: Post 151 … Letting Go of Victimhood!

victimAs I mentioned in a couple of recent blogs, I have been experiencing an increasingly intense onslaught of debilitating symptoms, mostly triggered by fear and unresolved emotional pain from childhood, and mostly related to my father’s recent health crisis. I might be feeling relatively okay one minute [I say relatively, because the symptoms I experience are always present] and in the next, I am barely able to function. My symptoms go through the roof. If it weren’t for the fact that it is happening to me, I might be fascinated, rather than overwhelmed, by how it affects me. But it is happening to me and it’s becoming increasing worrisome!

With everything I have learned and everything I’ve been doing to return my body to homeostasis [eating healthy foods, detoxing, taking supplements, exercising, practicing Qigong, going for bodywork treatments, focusing on happiness and love and living in the present moment, and dissolving fear and unresolved emotional pain] I thought I might be recovering by this point. I was actually starting to feel better until my father’s unexpected dilemma. It clearly triggered some stuff I needed to resolve. Funny how life works!

So, a few days ago, I asked for some guidance on what I need to do to overcome this predicament and what came to me was, ‘let go of victimhood.’

Bingo!

Of course! I must be holding on to emotional pain because I feel like a victim!

According to Wikipedia, “victim mentality is an acquired (learned) personality trait in which a person tends to regard him or herself as a victim of the negative actions of others, and to think, speak and act as if that were the case — even in the absence of clear evidence. Victim mentality is primarily learned, for example, from family members and situations during childhood.”

I can certainly relate to this, having grown up in a family where we were told by well-meaning parents that children were to be seen and not heard. Where we were simply not allowed to express our opinion if it differed from our father’s. Where explanations for wrong doings were rarely solicited or accepted and where emotional expression was not tolerated. In fact, it was likely to be met with punishment.

But I think there is more to it. Victim thinking is a creation of ego [ego, according to Eckhart Tolle, is simply conditioned negative thinking] and feeling like a victim feeds the ego. Feeling like a victim allows the ego [me] to feel sorry for myself [perhaps unconsciously], and if I’m feeling sorry for myself, then others will feel sorry for me and they will pity me. And this feels like love!

So there is a payoff. The feeling of love! Thus, victim thinking can become very addictive, especially for a boy feeling devoid of love. And as you know, addictions can be difficult to overcome. There’s a strong desire to hold onto the addiction because it feels good. It feels familiar!

In order to retrain myself and overcome the addiction, I have begun repeating the following mantra: I am the powerful architect of all my experiences. I am fully responsible for everything that has happened in my life and I take pride in this responsibility. Everything that has happened is part of my journey, predetermined by my soul, meant for my spiritual growth. It is essential. It is preordained and I am okay!

I think for anyone who develops a serious illness, there must be some level of victim thinking involved. There must be some part of us that believes either we don’t deserve to be well, or perhaps that being sick will help us receive the pity we believe we deserve. In any event, we need to be extremely vigilant for victim thinking because it will derail our efforts to heal ourselves.

Have an awesomely powerful day!

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6 comments on “My Journey with Parkinson’s … A Natural Approach: Post 151 … Letting Go of Victimhood!

  1. Fred, your blog brought back terrifying memories for me of about 3 years ago when my 80 year old mom who was in tip top condition ended up in the hospital with complications from congestive heart problems. Surprisingly to me I’d known nothing about this because she was hiding it from me based on the fact that I had just been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease two years earlier and she didn’t want to stress me out. I had been dealing with PD holistically and without any medication so I was managing my fear, emotional, and physical challenges as as best I could but of course it was a challenge and it took a lot of time. I had put most everything else in my life on the back burner while I try to manage my symptoms. Now I was forced into reality. While she fought for her life I was determined to keep her alive which of course made my symptoms much worse. After 3 months of this turmoil and stress for all, my mother passed sway. I was completely locked up and blocked up, in a lot of fear, disoriented and lost. Like you, I was off my schedule, had lost sight of my safety fall backs like Eckhart Tolle, my Tai Chi, my meditations, etc. For 3 months my whole life was turned upside down and I couldn’t get back on track. A few months after that I start at the levadopa because I was completely locked up and could not move. My quality of life was next to nothing. The medication certainly helped within 6 hours. I was moving again and it brought me back to life but of course I know I will be dealing with the side effects some day.

    So I think I understand what you’re going through. You’re much stronger than I was and have many more tools in your arsenal to help you. I will be praying for you and keeping your health and energy in my healing thoughts! It’s almost inhuman or perhaps superhuman to deal with your circumstances that you are involved in without any medication will help but if anyone can do it I know you can do it. You can persevere. Love sheila

    • Thank you so much for sharing your story and for your kind words Sheila! I’m very sorry to hear about your mother. It never ceases to amaze me the challenges life throws at us. Please keep doing all of the things that you were doing [especially practicing Tai Chi or Qigong] and bring lots of laughter into your life, so that you can get off medication and begin recovering your health again. You have the courage and strength to do it!

      Have a blessedly awesome day!
      Fred

  2. Thank you, Fred, so very much for sharing this most personal reflection. It was something I needed to hear. In a book I read years ago – “If You Meet the Budah on the Road, Kill Him” there was one line that has stuck with me all this time, actually just three words that seems appropriate for all of us with PD: “Beware the victim”. Thank you again so much.

  3. Fred,
    I truly hope you’ll feel better soon.
    There is much wisdom in your words anyways. Makes me wonder how much I need the attention of others, them recognizing I have a health condition of some sort ….

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