Hey kids, if you want to know how to get out of trouble [like fibbing to congress and getting away with], just ‘mis-remember!’
I know. It sounds a bit dodgy, but you didn’t mis-read me. I think it’ll work. After all, it is a proven strategy that certain storied government institutions [aka. Congress] seem more than willing to accept!
People mis-do things all the time. But they don’t realize it. They think they’ve done something bad. They’ve been told for example that hitting your brother is wrong. But it’s not … it’s just mis-throwing your fists!
In fact, learning how to ‘mis-speak’ could be the secret to keeping kids out of trouble … forever! “Who spilled their milk?” “Not me Mom. While I was chasing Tommy around the kitchen for spitting on my cake, I mis-held onto my cup!”
This concept could have profound implications on many of our most sacred traditions. Take marriage for example. “Why did you have an affair with my sister? You promised to honour and obey me, till death do us part.” “I’m sorry honey. I must have mis-heard the preacher!”
I think I’m going to suggest this as an addition to our education curriculum. “Hey Johnny!” “Yes teacher.” “Where’s your homework?” “Uh, I guess I mis-remembered to do it.” “Oh! Okay!”
We could invite special guest instructors to teach certain sections. “Dubba Ya, could teach the kids how to mis-underestimate?”
Perhaps Rocket Rawj [aka. Roger Clemens] could teach the students how to mis-inject. “See here, you just take this thingy and mis-don’t stick it in your butt cheeks!” “Oh, I mis-see.” “Very good Billy. You picked right up on that!”
I know, I know, you’re thinking that what we’re doing is lying … but we’re not. We’re just being mis-honest! “Oh well, that’s different!”
This strategy could empty out our prisons. “You see your Honour, I didn’t rob that convenience store, I actually mis-helped myself to the contents of the cash register.” “Well then, we can’t have a fella doing five to ten for mis-helping himself. Not guilty!”
“Yesiree, mis-ing could be the key to saving humanity. With mis-ing, there is no more guilt or shame. People will no longer carry the stigma of doing something bad. They can simply say, “What I did was mis-right.” And if things get dicey … when it appears we are doomed … we can simply say, “I mis-remember!”
Please don’t mis-like me for writing this blog!
Have a mis-awful day!