A few days ago I experienced firsthand the affect of fear on the symptoms I experience. I had just finished re-posting a blog on facebook, when I walked into the kitchen and felt an immediate sensation of paralysis. I could barely move and I felt intense tremoring. My legs were so weak that could hardly stand up and it was almost impossible for me to crack open an egg. Fortunately, I made the connection between the blog, the feeling of fear and the heightened symptoms [otherwise, I likely would have gone into immediate panic].
The blog I was re-posting is called Peace, Love and Joy. It’s about asking people to join with me in manifesting more peace, love and joy in this world and I think it’s a really important blog. I am assuming that it triggered an intense fear response [connected to past experiences and the fear I’m holding onto] relating to not being heard or taken seriously and failing in my endeavour.
The feeling was intense, but fascinating. It gave me an opportunity to observe firsthand the relationship between an experience [posting the blog], a fear response and the intensification of symptoms. It was profound and validated my belief that fear is at the root of Parkinson’s.
Yesterday I experienced a similar fear response. This time it was triggered by my realization that there would be a lot fewer students participating in our annual yearend in-house karate tournament. When I thought about why this would create a fear response it came to me that it’s because it feels like a failure, which may mean that a part of me feels like a failure. I don’t know for certain, but it seems that I may be personalizing this feeling of failure. In other words, it makes me feel like I’m a failure.
Regardless of what is at the root of these experiences [posting an important blog or fewer students participating in the tournament] clearly they are triggering fear, and if you’ve been reading my blogs lately, you’ll know that releasing fear has become the focus of my healing protocol. So this is a good thing [although it doesn’t necessarily feel like a good thing in the moment … losing mobility that is].
I expect that these fear responses will continue until I have completely transformed it and released it from my body. It is all part of the detoxification process [painful, but necessary]. So I’m buoyed with confidence and feeling very optimistic of the future because I am certain that releasing fear will help restore my body to homeostasis, which will then reverse the symptoms I’m experiencing.
Each fear response and release brings me closer to the end goal, so bring it on. I’m ready for it!
Have an awesomely fearless day!