It would be easy for me to ask, ‘why me?’ Why did I develop Parkinson’s? Given everything that I’ve already endured in my life and all the awesome stuff that I was embarking on around the time I was diagnosed, it might seem a tad unfair.
I think the old saying, ‘God never gives us more than we can handle,’ needs a slight revision. I think it should read, ‘God never gives us more than we THINK we can handle or what seems fair,’ because clearly God gives lots of people more than they think they can handle or what they deem as fair, otherwise, there would be no nervous breakdowns and no suicide.
I don’t know that I’ve endured more than the average person on this planet, certainly I haven’t had to live through war, famine, discrimination, natural disaster or any other such calamity, but I would say that I’ve certainly had my fair share of challenges. I have experienced cancer and other health issues, divorce, the loss of friends, a failed business venture, bullying and a lot of what might be considered, unfair treatment. Enough stuff, that I think I could put forth a strong case to omit me from any further hardship.
What is more, at the time I started developing symptoms, my life was just taking off. I had just left an unhappy corporate job and an unhappy marriage, and I had started teaching martial arts as my primary source of income, writing a book and playing guitar as a hobby. I couldn’t have been happier! Then along comes Parkinson’s and turns my life upside down.
Clearly, God [or perhaps my higher self] had other plans for me, or at least, more challenges! And I think this is the way to look at it; as a challenge. Mostly a mental challenge, because when you take the mental aspect of it out of the equation, all you’re left with is experience. It’s our thoughts, or judgments, that cause us to label experiences as good or bad, joyful or painful,and in turn, to feel anxiety and bitterness.
There are definitely two sides to my experience with Parkinson’s. Purely from a symptoms standpoint, I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. It is very unpleasant dealing with tremors, loss of balance, loss of strength and dexterity, loss of the use of your hands and constriction in the throat among other things. At certain times, they actually scare me, particular when I am confronted with their daily progression. But on the other hand, I’ve learned so much in my quest to heal myself and I’ve been able to communicate what I’ve learned through the blogs I’m writing [and I absolutely love blogging], that its hard to find the downside.
Yes, it would be easy for me to question this experience and judge it; on the one hand, bad, because of the symptoms, but on the other hand, awesome, because of what I’ve learned and blogged. But I’m doing my best to avoid questioning and judging and just allowing the experience to unfold, because the only thing I really have control over is my attitude and the best thing I can do for myself is to have a positive attitude.
What I experienced in my life prior to developing Parkinson’s matters not. What matters is what is happening right now, in this moment, and what matters most, is am I accepting of what is happening or am I resisting it. Because if I resist it, I will cause my own suffering and create the illusion that God is giving me more than I can handle. Quite frankly, I would rather empower myself and so I accept and experience!
Have an awesomely divine day!