Change Our Value System

Have you ever noticed that we tend value people’s worth based on their net worth and their ability to generate money.  An actor’s value is based on his or her ability to draw customers to see their movies.  A musician’s value is based on their ability to get people to buy CDs or attend concerts. An athlete’s value is based on their ability to put fans in the seats. An employee’s value is based on their contribution to the company’s revenue and bottom line. Even a police officer’s value is based in part on how many tickets they hand out. If you don’t contribute positively, your value is greatly diminished and quite often, your employment terminated.

This value system also applies to parents. Quite often, their perceived value to their family is based primarily on their level of income.

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It’s What We Believe … Change Your Beliefs, Change Your Life

I recently started reading Conversations with God for Teens, by Neale Donald Walsch.  While reading the book, I thought about the questions I would want to ask God if I was having a conversation with him or her and the first question that came to mind was, ‘why are so many people struggling to get ahead in this world?’

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If We’d Just Remember the Golden Rule!

“Why is it that we ignore the things that could relieve our suffering?” he asked, looking very perplexed.

“What do you mean?” I asked warily, not really intending to answer his question with a question.

“The golden rule,” he replied.

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Pearls of Wisdom from the Fairway…FOUR!

“It’s one of our most important challenges,” he stated emphatically.

“Sure is,” I agreed, as we ambled easily down the fairway. We were ambling easy now, but we sure weren’t a few minutes ago, stomping off the green like I did after blowing the last hole. I had to quickly put that out of my mind before making my my tee shot or surely I would have messed it up too!

“It has as much influence on our state of happiness and enjoyment of life as anything else in our control.”

“Couldn’t agree more,” I concurred, scanning the grass up ahead for my ball.

“In each moment, we need only concern ourselves with one thing … doing the best we can at whatever it is we’re doing.”

“In that moment!” I said, finishing his train of thought.

“Yep! And nowhere is that more evident than where we are right now.”

“On the golf course!” I said excitedly, finally spotting my ball.

“Absolutely! Time and again, be it pros or weekend hackers, we bare witness to golfers making poor shots because they’re thinking about ‘winning the tournament’ or the ‘amount of money they’re going to make’ …”

“Or the putt they just missed,” I interjected, suddenly worried that perhaps I was finishing too many of his sentences.

“Yes, and whatever the reason, their minds clearly weren’t in the present moment.”

“Why is it so difficult to stay present, when it seems such a simple concept?” I asked.

“It’s not ingrained in our culture,” he replied.

“I don’t know,” I said. “Golfers seem to talk about it a lot.”

“Yes, I know. And Ron Washington extolled the virtues of staying present, to keep his Texas Rangers players focussed so that they might win the World Series last year. But it’s something parents don’t teach their children, nor is it taught in schools. In certain circles, we may talk about it, but more often than not we don’t succeed in staying in the moment.”

“That’s true,” I agreed, checking out the lie of my golf ball and scanning the green for the whereabouts of the flag. “We need to teach in to our children and constantly reinforce it as they’re growing up. Eckhart Tolle’s book would be a great tool to use.”

“The Power of Now … awesome book! More people should read it.”

“Yep! So what do you do in order to stay in the present moment?” I asked.

“Breathing, trigger words, focussing on the task at hand and repetition,” he replied.

“In other words, training,” I said, standing over my ball, repeating out loud all the things I needed to do in order to execute a good shot. “Stay relaxed, left arm straight, light right hand grip, slow take away on my back swing, shift weight to right foot then back to left on the down swing, follow through towards the green.”

Whap! Damn! I watched helplessly as my balled hopped comically down the fairway … about 50 yards!

My partner looked at me with amusement.

“Yes, I know,” I said sheepishly. “And keep my head down.”

“Definitely,” he agreed with a broad grin, nodding his head. “Lift your head and you’ll top the ball every time.”

After collecting myself, I watched admiringly as my partner knocked the ball on the green with an effortless swing of his five iron. “What exactly do you mean by breathing and trigger words?” I inquired, as I took the short walk up to my ‘still-on-the-fairway’ ball. I was aware of the concept of staying in the moment, but hadn’t heard about breathing, other than to try and relax, or trigger words.

“Deep breathing is critical to bring our minds into the present moment, because typically when we take a deep breath, we don’t think about anything else. Try it,” he suggested.

I took a deep, slow breath, in through my nose, held it in my lungs momentarily, before exhaling it through my mouth. “You’re right,” I said, excitedly. “For that brief instant while I was breathing I only thought about breathing, and I wasn’t feeling frustrated about my last shot.”

“Awesome,” he smiled.

“And what about trigger words?” I asked, feeling euphoric after taking another deep breath, then knocking a nifty nine iron shot onto the green.

“After I take a deep breath, I then say, ‘now I’m placing my mind in the present moment.’ Then I just focus on doing my best at the task at hand, whether I’m at the office, doing chores around the house…”

“Or taking a golf shot!” I added.

My partner gave me another broad smile.

“Kids live ‘in-the-moment’ naturally,” I stated.

“They do indeed,” he agreed. “When they’re by themselves. But then they’re exposed to adult conversations, threats of punishment and so on that teach them to project and worry.”

“Yes, I know what you mean. Parents are always saying things like, ‘do this, or you’ll be grounded.’”

“You’d better do well on your test, or you won’t be allowed to watch TV tonight,” he echoed.

“I guess our reward and punishment system isn’t conducive to staying present, is it?” I said, surveying the lay of the green in order to read my putt.

“Not at all! Nor is thinking about all the ‘what ifs’ … what if I don’t get this done on time, what if I’m late, what if she says no …”

“Or, what if I miss this shot?”

“We need to stop thinking about the outcome. All it does is put more pressure on us, while taking our minds off the task at hand.”

“And I guess brooding about the past doesn’t help either?”

“Nope. It’s certainly never helped me!”

“I guess living in the present moment is one of those things that could really change our experience here on Earth,” I said. This was more of a statement than a question.

“It certainly is. Think of all the conflict that exists because of something that happened decades, heck, even lifetimes ago!”

My golf partner was right on, and it made my think about how, over 2,000 years later, Jewish people are still being persecuted for what happened to Jesus. Talk about insanity!

“What about when ‘nerves’ and worry do set in?” I asked, standing over my ball. “After all, we are only human.”

“Go back to your training,” he replied.

“Breathe, say your trigger words and bring your mind back to the task at hand,” I said.

“And focus on doing your best … in that moment!”

“I can do it,” I smiled triumphantly, draining a 30 foot putt!

“You sure can,” he beamed.

Have an awesomely present day!

When You Need Some Direction In Life

Have you ever found yourself stuck, not knowing what to do? Perhaps you had an important decision to make, but couldn’t decide, or maybe you were in a difficult situation and could not figure out a solution.

What do you do when this happens?

Be it a career decision or relationship situation, a potential relocation or how to deal appropriately with someone who is causing you grief, sometimes, our path is just not very clear.

Whatever the circumstances, often it is best to seek guidance. Not the type you might get from a family member, trusted friend or advisor. Although their advice might be helpful, sometimes, we need to go to a higher source of wisdom. God!

For the record, I believe in God, but I don’t believe God is an all-powerful being who exists outside of us. Rather, I believe that God is the innate wisdom of the universe, of which we are a part, so seeking advice from God is like talking to your higher self. Actually, I like to think they’re one and the same. I certainly believe they are connected. More importantly however, their wisdom is readily available to us.

Now, while I believe in God, I am not a Christian or member of any other religious group. Nor am I an advocate of the Bible, but I believe the Bible, like the Torah, the Qur’an and The Vedas, are sources of valuable information. Two familiar Biblical sayings are relevant as it relates to this issue of seeking guidance. First, seek, and ye shall find (Matthew 7:7) And second, ask, and ye shall receive (Luke 11:9-12). Both sayings are urging us to seek help … ask, and you will receive an answer! And be assured, the answers we seek are available to us.

This search for advice often leads people to psychics and intuitives, or having their Tarot cards read. The truth is, whether you solicit a psychic or simply ask God yourself, the answers are coming from the same source.

Asking for guidance is quite simple. Here is one way to do it. Simply say, “God, as it relates to ‘X’, what do you want me to do.” The answer may come to you immediately by way of a thought or an idea. It may also may be given to you in a song. Years ago, we were in the midst of renewing the mortgage on our house. I couldn’t decide if we should renew for one year or five. Then one day while driving to work, I was thinking about what to do, when the song, One, by U2, came on the radio. I took that as a sign, renewed our mortgage for one year and never regretted it.

The answer to your question may come from a variety of sources, like a movie or TV show. Whatever the source, recognize that you are being given divine guidance. You might be told to be patient. You might be guided to leave a toxic relationship or move or take a certain course of action.

How do you know that the message you believe you have received is in fact the correct message?  It’s not always clear. Sometimes you can tell by the way you feel … you just feel that it’s the right thing to do. Other times, you may not feel so sure. In any event, you have to trust.

Sometimes the decision you make may guide you down a path that leads to an unpleasant experience. This is a very real possibility. If something upleasant does happen, remember this, you might not always get the experience you want, but you will always get the experience you need for your spiritual growth.

Each experience is meant to serve our highest good. Perhaps it is meant to teach us about patience or trust or compassion or acceptance. Maybe it has to do with loss or betrayal. It may just simply be about fulfilling a karmic debt.

Whatever it is, you can bet that God and your higher self are aware of its purpose and therefore can provide the best guidance to get to it and through it. So ask!

Something else to be aware of, asking for guidance is not the same as praying for a certain outcome, such as asking God to bring us a job or help us get through an illness. When we pray in this manner, we are asking God to exert his/her influence to make something happen in a certain way. It’s okay to pray and quite often, it works well to pray and ask for guidance at the same time.

Have a reassuringly awesome day!

Autism: A Spiritual Perspective

“Everything happens for a reason!” the stranger said emphatically.

“What do you mean by that?” I inquired politely.

“Exactly what I just said,” he replied bluntly, taking me by surprise with his I’m surprised you didn’t know that tone.

“But I was asking about autism,” I pleaded. At that moment, I couldn’t quite recall how I had gotten into this conversation with this complete stranger, but I wanted to pursue it.

“Exactly,” he answered, continuing to be irritatingly vague.

“You mean the rapid rise in the rate of autism is happening for a reason?”

“Duh!”

“What reason?”

“Can’t you figure things out for yourself?’

“Yes, but it would be much easier if you just told me,” I said indignantly.

“Tsk, tsk.”

“Maybe you’re not telling me because you don’t really know.”

“What was the rate of autism 20 years ago?” he asked. Clearly, he knew.

“About one in ten thousand.”

“And what about now?”

“It’s expected to one in less than a hundred this year.”

“Quite a change!”

“Indeed.”

“What’s different?”

“I’m not sure.”

“When was autism first diagnosed?”

“Well, I think it became a recognized phenomenon in the 1940s when Leo Kanner, a doctor from Johns Hopkins University, used the term to describe the withdrawn behavior of several children he studied. Interestingly enough, at about the same time, Hans Asperger, a scientist in Germany, identified a similar condition that’s now called Asperger’s syndrome,” I added quite proudly.

He smiled at my knowledge of the facts.

“Actually,” I continued, “the term autism was first used way back in 1911 by a Swiss psychiatrist, Eugen Bleuler, to refer to a group of symptoms of schizophrenia. “

“So autism isn’t exactly a new condition?”

“Nope.”

“Getting back to my question then, what has changed?”

“There are a lot of theories. Some people believe that it simply has to do with better diagnosis.”

“If that were the case, where are all the ‘autistic’ adults?”

“I didn’t say I believed it,” I offered in defense.

“How about we stick to what you believe.”

“Okay, I think it is connected to the use of vaccinations.”

“Yes, there are plenty of documented cases of children suddenly developing autism after receiving a vaccination.”

“And I think our poor diets and over-exposure to chemicals, pollution and harmful EMFs (electromagnetic frequency) could also be factors.”

“Yes, indeed. But these are just the physical causes. What about the higher purpose of this phenomenon…remember, everything happens for a reason?”

“Maybe it is meant to guide us to change the way we live.”

“Now you’re talking.” He smiled again.

“Aha,” I yelled, startling myself at my sudden epiphany, “I read about the Autism Treatment Center of America recently. They used to be called The Option Institute. It was established by Barry Neil Kaufman and Samahria Lyte Kaufman after they helped their son recover from autism.”

“Go on,” he urged me.

“Ya, the program they use to help families interact with their autistic children is centered in unconditional compassion, acceptance and love … not to mention patience, gratitude and forgiveness.”

“Aren’t those the things our society could use right now?”

Suddenly the proverbial light bulb went on. “Now I get it!”

He looked at me reassuringly as if to encourage me to continue.

“This rapid increase in autism is meant to guide us to a more healthy, loving, accepting, compassionate way of living.”

“I believe it is,” he agreed. “And that includes Asperger’s, ADD, ADHD, OCD and so on.”

“They are meant to encourage us to change the way we live, treat each other better, eat healthy foods and live a more healthy lifestyle.”

“I knew you’d get it,” he said, patting me on the shoulder. “There is a really awesome video that explains this ‘autism’ phenomenon. You might want to check it out.”

“I will,” I promised excitedly.

“Now I must go before I miss my bus again.”

“Everything happens for a reason,” I said.

He smiled.

Have an awesomely understanding day!

Michael Jackson & Elvis Presley: Why Did They Die?

I just watched an Oprah Winfrey interview with Lisa Marie Presley, the daughter Elvis Presley and former wife of Michael Jackson. Lisa Marie thought it was ironic and didn’t understand how it was that her extremely famous father and extremely famous husband could have died from the same thing…over use of prescription drugs. Nor could she understand the significance of her connection with these men.

Elvis had 14 different prescription medications in his body when he died. MJ’s autopsy revealed evidence of at least 7 different medications.

I can’t help but think both of these extremely talented, charismatic and personable men died for the same reason…to help guide mankind back to a better way of living.

We have become a society that reaches for a pill bottle at the first sign of trouble. Got a cold, take a pill. Got an ache, take a pill. Can’t sleep, take a pill.

I recently asked two police officers from different police forces what the most pressing problem is in the province of Ontario and they both said, Oxycotin, a prescription pain medication, which has now become a lethal street drug.

Is this really the way we’re meant to live?

I sincerely believe that rather than taking pills it would serve us far better to understand three things: first, the role of the immune system and the importance of a healthy diet in maintaining the immune system’s health and proper pH level in the body, so we don’t get sick in the first place. Second, the role of unresolved emotional pain as the underlying root cause of  sickness and disease. Third, the importance of self image…feeling good about yourself…in reducing stress and developing and maintaining healthy thoughts and eating habits.

Taking medications simply neutralizes symptoms and makes the people who own and run drug companies rich. They’re not a long-term solution to healing.

But, you ask, what about the famous philosopher and mathematician, Descartes, and all the other people who died from pneumonia and other diseases, whose lives could have been saved’ using medications. Again, I bring your attention to the importance of having a healthy immune system and proper pH balance.

Elvis and MJ, like all humans, were capable of logic and common sense and they were surrounded by people who were capable of logic and common sense and yet they allowed their health and lives to be ruined by prescription medication. On a higher spiritual plane, there must have been a reason for this.

I hope and pray that it’s not going to take a few more Elvises and Micheals for us to figure it out? Perhaps this explains Lisa Marie’s connection to these two men. To use her fame to bring awareness to these ideas.

Have a thoughtful day!

Me, Myself and Cancer

Jim Carrey starred in a movie a few years ago entitled, Me, Myself & Irene. Carrey plays a state trooper with a split personality assigned to escort Irene, an alleged hit and run driver.

Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation, feeling like you’ve got a split personality, embroiled in an internal conversation: “Well that was stupid.” “But I was doing the best I could.” “Hey you two, pipe down will ya, I’m trying to get some peace of mind here.” Yikes!

I did recently. You see, I had cancer…a mild form of skin cancer…and while I’m happy to say that it’s gone now, hopefully, never to return, I have some pretty strong opinions about the disease…and most other diseases for that matter.

The conversation I had went something like this:

Me: “I can’t believe it.”

Myself: “Can’t believe what?”

Me: “All the people who continue to die from cancer.”

Myself: “Why is this so unbelievable?”

Me: “Look at all the money that gets raised every year for cancer research. You’d think they would have found a cure by now.”

Myself: “That’s true, although there are millions of people around the world whose livelihood depends on the existence of cancer, especially the people who run drug companies.”

Cancer: “I have a purpose.”

Me: “Hmmm. I’m not sure what to make of all this?”

Myself: “Yes, I’m not surprised. Billions of dollars have been spent on cancer research in the 50 years and yet every year millions of people are newly diagnosed and almost one out of every two people diagnosed, dies from it.”

Me: “But we’ve got Cancer Society months and cancer awareness months.”

Myself: “And yet people continue to die.”

Cancer: “I have a purpose.”

Me: “But why aren’t they working? Maybe we’re missing something.”

Myself: “Do ya think?”

Cancer: “I have a purpose.”

Me: “What are you saying?”

Myself: “Everything happens for a reason.”

Me: “You mean cancer has a reason, or the fact that we haven’t found a cure?”

Myself: “Both.”

Me: “You mean God wants to punish us?”

Myself: “Nope. Contrary to popular belief, God doesn’t judge, condemn or punish.”

Me: “Then what?”

Myself: “I don’t think we’re meant to find ‘a cure.’”

Me: “Are you serious?”

Myself: “Absolutely.”

Me: “But why wouldn’t we want to find a cure?”

Myself: “Because, if we did, we wouldn’t change the way we live.”

Me: “You mean we wouldn’t stop eating unhealthy foods, polluting our environment and mistreating one another?”

Myself: “Yep. And we likely would never bother to take the time to understand the role our immune system plays in the state of our health.”

Cancer: “You’re gettin’ it.”

Me: “And I guess we’d never figure out the role unresolved emotional pain plays in the development of disease.”

Myself: “Or the role feeling good about yourself plays in preventing disease.”

Me: “I guess the existence of cancer causes us to ask questions.”

Myself: “Like why are we really here.”

Me: “Isn’t that to learn the truth of who we really are?”

Cancer: “Now you understand my purpose!”

Have an awesome day!

Sopranos-style Compassion

Compassion is defined as a ‘Deep awareness of the suffering of another, coupled with the wish to relieve it.’  It’s our innate desire to reach out and help someone in need.

What is Sopranos-style compassion then you ask?  Well, it’s a rather discompassionate form of compassion that ranges anywhere from a curt, ‘Suck it up and get over it,’ to a harsher response Tony captured so eloquently in a scene from the Sopranos when he said, “Anthony’s got to know that the world doesn’t revolve around his sensitivity.  I should have beaten it out of him when he was a kid!” Whack!

Sopranos-style compassion!

I see it every week when I’m teaching karate.  A few months ago a father actually yelled at me and ordered me to put his 4 year old son down and make him walk after he had hurt himself and was crying.  More recently, I heard a parent say to their child, “Stop crying.  You have to be brave.”

Sopranos-style compassion!

Frankly, I think it takes a lot more courage to cry in public than it does to suppress it, but that’s another topic for discussion.

Sopranos-style compassion may come in the form of an icy stare, a cold shoulder or 30 tons of explosives.  “Your beliefs are different than mine, you say?”

Sometimes Sopranos-style compassion is a little more subtle, ‘My, aren’t we the sensitive one.’  It’s dished out with a tinge of sarcasm for added effect.

Whatever form it comes in, it’s very devastating to a person’s sense of security and their sense of self.  This is especially true of children who are preciously vulnerable to insensitivity.

How did we become a society that embraces this form of compassion? What is it that allows us to coldly walk past a homeless person begging for money and why is it that we can be so deeply touched by a picture of a soldier…or firefighter or police officer…carrying a wounded child, and yet find it so easy to scold our own children in times of emotional hurt?  I suspect it has a lot to do with the lack of compassion we were shown as a child.  Or maybe it’s because we’re finding it easier to be cold this day in age as a result of being numbed by the violence we are being bombarded with in movies and video games.  Perhaps it’s because we’ve become so far removed from our true authentic loving selves.

The irony of  Sopranos-style compassion was brilliantly captured by Pauly, perhaps the coldest and most vicious character on the Sopranos, when he sadly pleaded, “I’m not without my sensitivities.”  Compassion is one of the core characteristics of human nature.  We all want to be held, nurtured and soothed in difficult times.  We want to be reassured that we are going to be all right.  It’s okay to show a little softness.  It makes us more human.

“There, there Fred.  All is well!”

Have an awesome day!